I wrote a piece on marriage and I learned a lot more on the topic in interacting with you on and off the internet.
If you are single or single again and absolutely dread this season then read on. Also, be open to embrace a different perspective from what you currently have.
adjective; unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship.
If you fit the definition, then this one is for
The misconception in this definition among us; the single people of the world, is the belief that being single is only THE preparatory phase before marriage. What I know is this; to some singleness is a season – because it may not last forever, but to others, it will never end (as there are some people who will be single forever). This last category is certainly NOT mine as there is a marriage in my future *insert praise break* .
Either way, the quickest route to unhappiness during your single months/years is to believe the false narrative that your “wholeness” will only be found within a relationship. Or that you’ll not be complete until you have a wife or a husband. This mindset will leave you feeling unfulfilled and “wanting” for a long time. It is also more likely to leave you wasting time and energy on dreams of a better future while failing to maximize the present.
Contrary to marriage, I have the greatest experience with the dictionary definition of being single as I’m still unmarried. Single people like me date when we choose to and choose to remain alone when we feel necessary. I do believe that every adult mature single person is single by CHOICE first before circumstance.
That was deep, read that last line again.
Yes, some single people have made the choice to wait on God. Others have chosen to be undecided about all those whom God has brought into their lives. Others have chosen to seek a goal (education, world travel, mission work, deployment, careers, success, financial achievements) first over a committed relationship. Some have been left feeling limited by circumstances i.e. lack, loss, sickness, deployment etc. A special few have not matured enough to understand the basis of human interpersonal relationships, trust and commitment, and they are better alone.
This was the most polite and possibly godly way I could describe a selfish lust-filled heart.
I’ve been blessed with few godly friends who are happily married. They’ve shown me the beauty of what marriage can offer and that’s great. In discussing with some of them, they’ve re emphasized the things they wish they could’ve done during their single years. Despite this, we, single millennials tend to whine the most about how alone, bored and dejected this phase of life is. I decided to compile a list of what I think single people have the advantage of doing. These things can be done in marriage too but this post is for singles. Hello!
- Deepen Your Spiritual Walk.
Rejection, disappointment and regret has left a lot of single people with a skewed definition of love. Some can no longer perceive and receive true love even when it is offered to them. I always say there are so many broken good looking people walking around and their healing will only occur in the presence of God. The single season is the perfect time to bind up spiritual wounds. The scars from previously broken relationships are deeply rooted and are way beyond physical as we can rarely see them.
Psalm 147:3 (NIV)
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
Loneliness seems to be another reason single people become frustrated. I think this is because we are constantly looking for fulfillment and approval in another person or next big thing. Deepening our walk with God can bring us into a new dimension of self realization that allows us to be content and manifest God’s will for our life even while we are unmarried. When you’re single you have the advantage of time. Time to learn about what you’ve believed in as a child. Time to seek God for yourself. Time to serve at your church. Time to invest in others. Time to give back to your community. Maximize the time now or you’ll seek to reclaim it later – just ask the married people.
2. Discover You.
Be alone for a season. Being alone will allow you the mental space to heal your soul first. Then you’ll be mentally stable to prepare for your relationship future. Try it. Use this alone time to recalibrate your inner compass. Dig introspectively at your past failures (school, family, greatest disappointments, loss, work, relationships, finances). Then, find where you failed, and once you do that – seek solutions. Do it for yourself first, do this to make yourself whole again. If you cannot enjoy your company as a single you’ll be a miserable married person. You need to be better for yourself before you can be of value to another person.
2. Discover Your Purpose.
Find parts of your “WHY” during this time. What on earth are you here for? Seek to answer this question in the presence of God. You won’t be able to answer it all at once but start somewhere, somehow. Just start. To me, purpose aligns when you realize the valuable skill that you can’t live without expressing.
3. Build Up Your Purpose.
Once you discover parts of your purpose, it will continue to grow and evolve. Just one step at a time. Purpose is like a baby; it grows, transforms and develops over time. Begin with what you know during this season, work hard with it and it will birth a new season in due time. Nobody really knows when due time will come for you.
4. (Re)create Valuable Relationships.
Reconnect with family. Establish trust worthy friendships. Build a circle of confidants. Network and grow your business, company or audience. Establish relationships that serve you and make you better. Also expect to serve, nurture and feed these relationships in return. It’s a two way street. One of the main reasons single people feel lonely is because they discard the importance of basic platonic friendships and relationships. Not every encounter with a person of the opposite sex should be expected to lead into a relationship. You should select your circle and certainly do away with those that do not align with where you’re headed.
4. Invest Into Your Future.
This is the prime time to form healthy habits. Invest in your mind and develop your character. Work on yourself in every aspect. Find interest in extracurricular activities of your choice and create hobbies from them. Seek to enjoy your simple life! As a doctor, I certainly recommend an advanced education or degree but this also is NOT for everyone. Perfect an art, a trade, gift or talent. Maybe you’re a single parent- raise those kids the best way you know how. Create a financial plan. Pay off debt. Travel and explore. Learn about your culture, town or country. Save a whole bunch of money. Get on track with your health and fitness.
5. Expose Yourself To New Experiences.
Defeat your internal stereotypes. Leave your comfort zone. Step out into the unknown for once. I recommend that every millennial should live away from home for at least a few months. That aloneness and independence will help you build courage that’ll serve you when you’re with another. In service to others; you’ll find new ways to feel fulfilled and God has a way of rewarding service to Him.
I’ll like to know what you think about the single season. Leave a comment below.